Top 10 Dos and Don’ts Learned from My Last High School Reunion

by Blythe Jewell

http://funnynotslutty.com/?p=1129

So, last week I received the Save-the-Date for my 20^th high school reunion and most people might start panicking now, but not me. Because every stupid, jackass thing someone can possibly do at a high school reunion, I already did ten years ago. I’ve basically spent the past ten years engaged in a series of random Oh-shit-I-really-did-that cringes and winces and I’m choosing to see the 20-year as my opportunity to redeem myself, rather than a chance to make myself look like even more of an asshole. Of course, those are what I like to call “Famous Last Words” – but we’re going to think positive here. At least I’m going in armed with my List of Dos and Don’ts – wisdom gained through my own pain and humiliation. And now you can, too. You’re welcome.

1. DO stay in touch with at least two people from high school. The first one is the person you will force to go with you to the reunion so you’re not sans high school clique. The second is your back-up, in case the first refuses or gets sick or dies or something.

2. DON’T wear the tube dress. Unless you’re cool with holding your boobs in all night.

3. DON’T take your husband if he’s the loud talker who blurts inappropriate things in already-uncomfortable situations.

4. If you fail to follow #3, DON’T be surprised at the hideous looks you receive when your husband shouts, “Jesus your classmates all look like they’re in their FIFTIES!” the second you walk in.

5. DO limit your alcohol intake. I CANNOT STRESS THE IMPORTANCE OF THIS ENOUGH.

6. If you fail to follow #5, DON’T talk to other people.

7. If you fail to follow numbers 5 and 6, DO listen carefully to what other people are saying to you. When that guy you had a crush on senior year tells you he’s now in the Marines and stationed in “Guantanamo,” be sure he didn’t actually say “Quantico” (as in Virginia) before you spend the rest of the conversation expressing concern for his safety in Cuba.

8. DON’T assume the gender of someone’s child, when complimenting them on their family photos. Trust me on this.

9. DON’T remind everyone of your most embarrassing high school memories. Most of your classmates had completely forgotten about that time you accidentally handed a tampon to the captain of the football team when he asked to borrow a pen in the hallway. Until YOU just reminded them.

10. At the end of the evening, when everyone poses for the class picture and you’re five cocktails in, DO remember to hold your boobs in the tube dress.

Top 10 Crummy “Reasons” for not attending Your Reunion

10. “It’s too far to go.”

Some people come to our reunions from Europe and Asia. If they can make it, so can you.

9. “It costs too much.”

The Committee makes no money from your fees, which are only enough to cover most (but not quite all) of the reunion expenses. More to the point: People who’ve been to past reunions agree that it’s worth it—many say they’ll come back to future reunions, no matter what it costs!

8. “I’m not sure my schedule / commitments / job / family / [you-name-it] will allow me to come.”

Unless you’re absolutely positive that there is no way you will be able to come, COME! Once you make the commitment to come, it’s amazing how the rest of your life can be arranged to make it possible (YOU HAVE A YEAR!) (See also reason #7.)

7. “I can’t be there for the whole thing.”

Why not? (See reason #8.) If this is really a problem, don’t make that an excuse not to come at all.

6. “There’s nothing to see or do in that city.”

That’s not true—but even if it were, it wouldn’t matter. The main attraction of our reunions is the people—we could have a great reunion in the middle of nowhere! (Note: Just as life is what you make it—so is a party!)

5. “I don’t want to come without my spouse / significant other, and I don’t think they’ll have any fun.”

If our past experience is any guide, this is a non-issue. Most spouses and significant others quickly become “honorary classmates” and have a great time. Some even say they’d rather come back to another one of our reunions instead of going to their own.

4. “I know what high school reunions are like—it’s just a bunch of boring people standing around bragging about their jobs, their marriages, their kids, etc., etc.”

Yes, that’s the stereotype of what many high school reunions are like. Ours aren’t like that. It doesn’t take too long to realize the special bond we all have. It’s like getting in touch with your roots—or coming back home. There’s nothing else like it.

3. “I won’t know anyone there. Or they won’t remember me. Or they will remember me for the wrong reasons.”

It doesn’t matter. We’ll treat you like one of the family anyway.

2. “The people I know won’t be attending.”

Come anyway—you’ll add to your list of people you’ll want to see next time! And if there are some people you really want to make sure are there, it’s not too late (if you get started now) to track them down (if we haven’t already found them), and then call them up and tell them you want them to be there.

1. “I’ve gained weight, I’m not successful enough, I’ve been divorced, etc., etc., and I’m concerned about what people will think of me.”

No matter how real or how strong these feelings may be before you arrive, you’ll soon find out that none of this stuff really matters.

The plain truth is: We want to see you!

All The Details

REUNION DATE

July 20-22, 2012

$$$COST$$$

Three tier pricing system: early bird, regular, final payment.

First 10 people to purchase tickets are eligible to win a prize.

TIMELINE

July 1, 2011

Event/Meeting – Due date for $25 deposit

Sept 30, 2011

Early Bird Offer Ends

$50single/$100couples

Dec 31, 2011

Regular Offer Ends

$60single/$110couples

May 31, 2012

FINAL Month for Accepting Payments

$70single/$120couples

VENUE

The Grande Pavilion at Promenade Pointe

14210 Airline Highway

Gonzales, Louisiana 70737

(225) 647-1501

I've been told to ask and you shall receive. So far, Ronald Fernandez has donated a space walk, Trinette Williams Reese is shopping for masks, doubloons and beads and Tracy Julien Davis has donated a case of paper!!!! Your generous donations will enable us to receive quality take home gifts from the reunion and just know you are greatly appreciated!!!

Again, thank you Ronald and Tracy!